Photo by A Hamburger Today
Note to Future Selves: Do not go back.
Why not? The burger flavor is good. It’s an all-chuck patty that tastes of funky dry-aged beef. However, this burger somehow manages to be both hella juicy and dry as dirt at the same time.
The burger is way too tall. You almost dislocate your jaw trying to take a bite. And when you squeeze it down to fit it in your maw, all the juice squeezes out onto the plate. The resulting patty is dry, dry, dry.
Fries and onion rings are uninspired and undersalted. With rings being undercooked and onion almost raw.
Way too expensive for the quality of burger.
Locations in Hell’s Kitchen and UWS of Manhattan, and Astoria, Queens. This is based only on three various visits to Hell’s Kitchen location and on one visit to Nice Matin, where the same “Five Napkin Burger” there was spun off into this concept.
Mediocre snacky food. Late-night dim sum. Soup dumplings no good. Siu mai not bad. But it doesn’t matter because, Future Selves, you should not eat here. Bad service was the icing on the turd.
What we like here: The cookies. If that.
What to skip here: Almost everything else. Especially the gelato.
The short story long: We often end up at Martha’s Country Bakery when we have a hankerin’ for something sweet. We are almost always disappointed. Note to future selves: The cookies are the only things you’ve ever liked there — they’re not mindblowing but aren’t bad, either. Just pretty MOR. The cake is like something you’d eat at a coworker’s birthday or going-away party — adequate, inoffensive, and pretty generic. The gelato is just downright not good.
Also note the weird table service thing they have going on. You can’t just order an item or two from the counter and then go sit. You’ll get a waitress. Which tacks on extra expense. And the service is not always that attentive.
We wish there were better late-evening alternatives for our sweet tooths (sweet teeth?) — like an ice cream shop — so we’ll probably go to Martha’s again. But this time, I hope our future selves will just stick to a take-away cookie.
This is perhaps the joint that inspired this whole project, as we can never remember whether we liked Fatty’s the last time we went there or not.
Note to Future Selves: We thought it was sub-average in quality, especially for the price.
Future Selves, just take the extra time to go to Greenpoint for brunch at The Habitat, where for a dollar more you get coffee/tea AND an alcoholic drink.
Bagels were surprisingly good. Crisp and satisfyingly chewy. Would go back. Great coffee–much better than at Brooklyn Bagel.
What to skip: Any of the whole wheat bagels — but you should know better anyway!
UPDATE (9/19/2010): Went back this morning. Bagels were not as good as yesterday. C. also received a lecture from someone who appeared to be the head bagel-baker on how egg bagels are, according to him, carcinogenic. Getting a bagel shouldn’t be a teachable moment. We’re back to Brooklyn Bagel.
What we like here: Tacos de pollo, Mexican Coke, tamales (but they only make them in winter)
What to skip: tacos de pork — they’re too fatty
Address: 21st Avenue b/n 29th/31st, Astoria
The baked goods aren’t mind-blowing but are solid and are certainly much better than, say, Martha’s Country Bakery. The coffee is good.
What’s worth noting: Free wifi and relatively uncrowded dining area in the morning make for good impromptu workspace.
Address: 2521 Broadway, Astoria NY
Used to be good before all the dingleberries started coming. Now it’s not pleasant at all. In the summer, nine times out of ten someone asking for directions asks for directions to this place.
The beer is OK, and when the garden isn’t too crowded it’s fine.
Avoid at all costs: The food bit is horrible. The kielbasa gave me food poisoning once.
